The Best Leeds Festival Review Ever

Forget the school report cards, the one line career appraisal of every band that played at Reading (not Leeds) that the NME tried to pass off as a special feature on the Carling Weekend at Reading (but not of Leeds). This is a foolish attempt at GONZO journalism, that well-known but rarely used (for anything except showing off) journalistic technique invented by Hunter S Thompson. It takes what is written, or recorded, at the time and leaves it like that. Aren't we hip, aren't we brave, aren't we pretentious? A bit lazy, perhaps, but not the real the reason for what you're about to read. Transcribed from tape live at Leeds 99, covering indie, dance, metal, mainstream, weird AND the local bands who appeared, we just had the crazy notion that the self-indulgent ramblings of Charm's James Littlewood, Graham Chalmers, Metaldunk, Becky Hollows and David Soul might tell you what it was actually like to be there on the sunny fields of Temple Newsam Saturday, August 28 to Monday, August 30 , 1999.


SATURDAY

Flash toward. Pavement are doing the poppy Carrot Rope. There goes my glasses. An underclad crazed girl walking past me in the crowd has suddenly exploded in a star jump, arms and legs akimbo, smacking me with a glancing blow right on my schnoz. I'm blind, helpless but not angry. A band is playing on stage and she's reacted to it out of the blue. On her own. Not as part of the usual mass rituals.

A day earlier, the first day, backstage in the press area.  What the fuck is Charm doing here? Should we talk to the well-known and want-to-be-well-knowns? Why would we want to? To impress you? What do you say to someone whose name you vaguely recognise from the NME? We're sat around a nice plastic table, nice white garden furniture" says Frank, drummer with Leeds' Bingo who, along with a dozen other local acts like Helen and Wack Cat and Pop Threat, will be appearing at the UK Play tent during the festival. "One thing I like about this festival, apart from the delicious guest area is the trees, the ambience. "Lovely," says second guitarist Dave Procter "It could be the Great Yorkshire Show" inserts Graham.

Over the next three days Bingo's Frank and Dave will rival only fellow Leeds band Pop Threat for the amount of hours spent ligging in the guest area.  Are we boring you? James is listening to the tape now, in the present. "You sound jaded, Graham." "I was 'till Pavement played on the Sunday and then everything got better" Back to Saturday. Frank: "There is actually livestock wandering 'round at random as well, which is quite nice" "Yeah goats, escaping gooses going 'honk', but the toilets!, the press area toilets!! Wooden seats. God, gold foiled bog paper, people asking you whether you're having a nice time when you go in there, it's great" enthuses Dave.  Sarah: "I've just seen The Donnas." Yeah?? "The shittest band I've ever seen in my life. They were all about12 and they sang about going to school - "We don't care about going to school. We don't care about going to school." The sun comes out. "Leeds (heavy ec-ec-ec-echo from the stacks). .. We re gonna put a good show on for you today." Apollo 440 live and in very crowd-pleasing effect-ahh. James: "their lead singer's like the guy working the waltzer at the funfair who spins it round, the one that says to the girls "you want it faster, faster?" Of course they do...

1pm, the dance tent is grassy and deserted. Sound men are setting up for Cuba. DJ Moose (Soundclash) bobs up and down straggly-haired, unshaven, then disappears below his decks to pick out another record, can in hand, another mellow, percussion-heavy groove. Some chattering too loud to make out. Different dance sounds. Cuba. A dance band that wants to rock but not with screaming axes but a big fat bass and big fat drum. Dumb. Exciting.

Graham: Balls as big as Africa. James: Jon Spencer leans over the front of the main stage, his shiny leather trousers reflecting the radiant sunshine, a belief in the power of his Blues Explosion undiminished. Graham: Southern swamp trash rock, older than I'd reckoned, skin-tight Gene Vincent gear, doing exactly the same blues toon over and over again - tight slam tight slam tight.  James: Looking suitably wan and sickly, guitarist Judau Bauer leaps vampire-like on to the big bad bass drum and makes it look easy. Is this the main stage or a smoky club? 

How big is the crowd d'you reckon? It looks less than V98 last year. (35, 000 the reports say later) David Soul: "Improvements brought about by injection of Vince Power of Mean Fiddler (he's got the contract for Leeds for five years}. Gone are the blatant product plugs everywhere you look. Gone, too, the main stage video screens. As a result, bands must focus their performance." Over at the Evening Session tent - that's Will Sargeant of Echo and the Bunnymen checking out Add N To X. Only a couple of memorable tunes but fascinating. Robotic r'nb delivered by the prim and the straight-laced.  Daniel, the bespectacled bass player from Leeds' Bodixa: "I walked from Jon Spencer Blues Explosion on the main stage who was using a Theramin straight to Add N To X on the Radio One Evening Session stage and they were using a Theramin too"

Leeds' Helen are on stage in the comedy tent. Sensitive female vocals, mainstream instruments. Likeable. Middle of the road. They're not as good as the last time we saw them in The Duchess. They're professional but they've shrunk a little in personality and confidence on this bigger stage on a bigger occasion.  Bingo's Frank arrives with a report on Space Raiders. "Didn't really know much of their stuff. We had the madman with his fantastic blue cape uniform, Screaming Lord Sutch hat, and mad orange Timmy Mallet sunglasses.  "We had a horrible scary alien, doing some mixing on decks, and we also had a very nice stormtrooper dancing with his laser gun, absolutely fantastic, top tunes, everyone got in to it, everyone was dancing, I really enjoyed it"

Backstage - again. Tiny from Ultrasound walks past. He must have noticed the Charm T-shirt Graham's wearing. James hears him whisper to his girlfriend "isn't that the magazine Becky writes for?" We tell Becky Hollows later but she doesn't believe us. 

Gene's detractors may be out in force but Martin Rossiter wins more than a few fey hearts with his ceaselessly entertaining brand of eloquent passion. No other band at Leeds even bothers to be political. Gene plays Mayday and Love Won't Work to remind us that pop'n'politics can still trade glances at the same party. Martin introduces a great new song called 'Left for Dust' and then sidles stage right to dance with a baby. It's corny but much swooning ensues from the ladies.  "I don't like Gene," says Graham "but they're a great live band. The lead singer knows he's good on stage. He loves himself" 

Becky. Tell us about the most popular festival foods here today: "The top five foods consumed so far are - 5. veggie burger. 4. cold devon custard. 3. chips. 2. pasta. 1. baked potatoes." Thank you.  Iggy? No. Echo & The Bunnymen's opening number - not one of their own but a cover of The Stooges' Loose off Fun House in front of a half-sized crowd in late afternoon. Once great, now pedestrian. A great band dying slowly. They must know they're finished.

Backstage - again. James has just heard through James of Six by Seven that The Fall had a big argument on the Friday at Reading and their tour manager was seen backstage covered in blood. Later reports mention knuckle-dusters and more sinister goings on, but as the bassist said to local fanzine writers: "when I'm onstage I'm in The Fall, and that's all that counts." Graham: As soon as you walk in to the press tent everyone looks at you trying to work out whether they should know you or not.  Inside the dance tent New York hip hop pioneers, the ageing Sugarhill gang are playing a perverse Karaoke with the crowd.  Bits of Puff Daddy, Eminem get the crowd warmed up for the awesome bombast of White Lines, The Message and Rappers Delight. The crowd are jumping up and down as one, the three-handed rap attack is quick, eloquent, and as they say themselves "still here after 20 years."  Beer. Fast food. Smokes.

"It's your letters, it's your letters," says some drunken mad women, mad Liz, a friend of Mark Bradley's, on the dusty, hot hill above the main stage, as she does her lying on your front feet behind your back clapping them like they're your hands trick.  Reef. I like them but the sound on the main stage is so clinical - all bass drum and vocals, not enough dirty lead guitar.  Hasn't the CD just skipped? "It's not a CD Graham, Reef are playing live," says Mark. Beer. Fast food. Smokes.

The dance tent and DJ Punk Roc's playing and it's fine but no one cares in the whole festival except the people inside here.  The Fall arrive at The Evening Session stage. Mark E Smith walks on, falls over, starts to play Julia Nagle's guitar, falls over again, then proceeds to kick and shout at the stewards, saying "can't you just fuck off for half an hour?"  He then sticks a page from a magazine on the marquee pole. It reads "Learn For Life" and appears to be an advert for local community college night classes. The Fall play a great version of Folding Money despite Mark's fiddling with amp volumes, removal of cymbals, pulling leads out, and eventually smashing the last remaining steward over the head with his microphone. As if to prove a big point after the whole band had left the guitarist and Mark return and to play And Therein, "and therein lies the difference and therein," he sings, a statement of the truth.

Tiny from Ultrasound, and Domininc Brunt who plays Paddy in Emmerdale, seem to be enjoying it . As one-time Charm contributor Luke Vollar likes to say, The Fall founder has the face of a seventy-year-old and the body of a ten-year-old.
Garbled talk. Techno noises. It's 8.15, Saturday, The Chemical Brothers. Hey Boy Hey Girl those Block Rocking Beats.
Only their head and shoulders are visible, their little heads bobbing up and down behind a huge table half-a-mile away. After the hits I wander off. Subtle moments don't travel this far with no giant videos screens this year.  "The Chemical Brothers got boring" says one of the girls later. "Like Jean Paul Jarrey." Don't you mean Jean Michel Jarre? "No, Jean Paul Jarrey." (Laughter) .

Stereolab on the Evening Session stage. Laetitia Sadler, Tim Gane and co have been written about in the press in reviews and features for a good five years. I don't recognise them at all which only goes to show the press tells you nothing.  Less severely arty in hair and dress than Add N To X but not as plinky plinkly twee live as on record. It's supposed to be egg-head music but Stereolab's Fartisa organs and analogue synths create a great rolling rock sound.
The tent heaves. Elastica happen. It's like the last four years never happened. Proficient. Predictable. Why bother? (money)

Metaldunk: Saturday Carling Premier Stage (9.05pm).  My Ruin sees the first moshpit of the weekend. Former L.A. rapper Tairri 'Queen Bitch' B's new outfit supersedes her Manhole/Tura Satana days. Along with a fine rendition of Soft Cell's Tainted Love', Tairri's screams could easily ward off the hounds of hell.  Leeds band Mama Scuba, how were they Bernie? "Brilliant, dead professional and different as well, they sounded original," she replies.  The next day we ask Frank from Bingo about Mama Scuba. "I said to them I didn't go to see you, sorry guys I went to see Elastica, but I feel sorry for you, these Charm bastards leaving your listing out of the mag. They're no good at all."  "One thing I liked about Mama Scuba last night," adds Dave "was although they were as loud as normal, and that's painfully loud at times, last night it worked because the venue's bigger.  "What did you reckon to the Mama Scuba songs then?" asks Frank. "Dead good," replies Dave. "Have they improved then?" James asks Dave. "Recently when they played with Hefner at The Duchess they were too loud but at Leeds 99 they sounded really good. I was dead impressed."

Metaldunk: Saturday Carling Premier Stage (10.10pm)  Stand by for Hicksville's Nashville Pussy and stand well back! Climaxing in a lesbian-kiss-guitar-on-guitar solo (believe me) and combine this with fire breathing/spitting on the audience Ramones-style non-stop rock'n'roll, tonight the Pussies blow the Carling Premier stage and our heads apart. Awesome!
I can't believe they're still doing How High and The Only One I Know.  Saturday's headliners, The Charlatans are on the main stage. Emily's in the main stage photographers' pit. Tim Burgess looks right at her and smiles because she's been jumping about, which isn't how the hardened professionals behave. On the way home in the car on Monday, after the whole festival's over, about 12.45am, Radio One broadcasts a couple of songs from The Charlatans from two nights earlier, including the new single Forever.

It sounds prog-rock, an admirable thing to do, but a little weary and tuneless like Supergrass' last single Movin'. I love both bands - but they'll soon be playing to 35-year-olds who're married with kids and buy their records from Woolies.  The crowd after the Charlatans. A pretty girl with blonde hair next to me in the dark and cold, funfair blaring, lights twinkling not far from the giant bungee jump. "I didn't like The Charlatans much," she says. Her friend replies "they're as good as you're gonna get headlining at this sort of thing." They're not annoyed or upset. It's par for the course. Maybe festivals aren't the best place to listen to music anymore. There aren't any bands that unite everybody. They just appeal to their own fans. The decade's slithering to an end.

SUNDAY
Metaldunk: Main Stage (11.45am).  California's Lit start the day in a fine fashion.  Lead singer A. Jay Popoff seems at one with the stage limelight. The terrific summer hit 'My Own Worst Enemy' sets the crowd alight.  A. Jay's brother Jeremy definitely wins the stupidest beard competition of the fest so far!  Nojahoda in the Evening Session tent. Much thrashier and metal live than on record. Rock crowds stand up more than indie crowds. Nojahoda's singer takes his trousers down during their last song then gets tangled up and falls over on his ass. Metaldunk: Main Stage (1.00pm) ARE YOU READY FOR HARDCOORRRRE?! screeches Radio 1 's Mary Anne Hobbs. SHUT YOUR FACE WOMAN AND GET OFF! New York's Hardcore Leaders Sick Of It All blast stageward and attempt to kickstart a real mosh pit.  Due to the lack of rain this soon turns into a dustbowl for the demented. With a shout out to his friends from Bradford Rio's, even with the gap¬ing security-filled chasm between band and fans, Lou Koller & Co. still pull out all the stops. Songs like 'Built to Last' & 'Ceasefire' sound spot on! Cheers guys! (while this took place, unfortunately, Dog Eat Dog took exactly the same time slot over on the Vans stage)

"I'm the last living neanderthal," says Lou being ignored by a large part of the small afternoon crowd at the main stage. Sebadoh are knackered. Leader Lou Barlow says they only arrived here nine minutes ago, All these classic American lo-fi bands are getting old. This well-mannered Bostonian three-piece struggle to play well and they want to and they work at it and there's emotion there and subtlety and great tunes.  Bassist Jason Lowenstein does the fast ones, Lou the slow ones like Tree, apart from the sexy classic rock of Flame. Lou says it's going to be their last gig in England for a long time. Sebadoh. Influenced a generation of young bands, achieved nothing for themselves. 

David Soul: "How come the slacker generation Americans always put more into it than their British counterparts?" "We're waiting for our sampler to load," says Stephen Malkmus, "it's been a long wait. Let's sing campfire songs. Do you know any?" La-la-la-la, La-la-la-la - a good version of Billie off Pavement's most recent, most listenable album, the band exchanging smiles and glances, messing around during Carrot Rope as a girl in a red top skips and bounces round them from the back of the stage like the world was one giant happy ending. There's a hint of madness in the bear-like movements of second drummer Bob Nastanovich and Stephen's occasional snarling screams. Like all great live bands through history, Pavement move and play as one, individual limbs on a single body. David Soul: "No one but no one knits together like Pavement, the Television of their generation."

Evening Session tent. There's only two in Quasi - a young girl drummer at the front and some old bloke to the side on an organ that sounds like a lo-fi guitar. They're quite interesting but the guy can't sing.  Backstage - someone's just told us that Tiny of Ultrasound's going around telling people that the band have definitely split up. On the main stage Pavement have been followed by an unshaven Kevin Rowland in a white silk dress, white stockings and white knickers belting out You'll Never Walk Alone.  What balls. Two underclad 'beauties', a little past-their-sell-by-date, gyrate next to Rowland on his next two songs Concrete and Clay and The Greatest Love of All. Kevin bends to sniff one of their bottoms. We hear he's been bottled off the day before down in Reading but here only one bottle is thrown.  He's only done three songs but his voice is great and at least something tasteless, something shocking, something unpredictable has finally happened in this land of fallen rock n roll. Following on from Pavement, it's a turning point. Graham: 1 feel better.  David Soul: "Kevin Rowland's antics made the crowd uncomfortable. Ironically, it distracts from the very thing he wants to get across - his adaptations of his favourite songs and how much they mean to him personally." Graham: I still feel better.

Leeds band Mariko (formerly Resin) in the comedy tent. Led by a raging young Bono. A 'local1 band but all the poses, all the clothes, all the hairstyles are choreographed in 'national' band fashion from the school of Symposium. A sort of punky Stereophonies but not particularly good tunes.  Becky. Tell us about how the crowd looks at this festival? "The top five types of people here are - 5. Proper indie people (sorely lacking), 4. Lads who probably like Ocean Colour Scene. 3. Women dressed as children. 2. People with funny-coloured hair. 1. Rock kids with big shorts." Thank you.  Snatch of Becoming More Like Alfie and All Mine (Portishead) by Divine Comedy. Last year they were like a quirky, intimate outfit. Now it's greatest hits time and big crowds. Dan, who's never been a fan, thinks they're great.

Venini Russell Senior's band boring Champagne sipping nonsense. Snatch of Road Rage on the tape. Someone says "Bootlegger". Much crowd singing of chorus, new wah-wah guitar by Catalonia. Cerys is a star but take away the few big hits and they're isn't much there.  Six By Seven are superb in the Evening Session tent. Not because of their songs, it's the whole band's emotional intensity and their love of playing.  The hooks are worked on to their logical extreme, which few bands do at this festival. Art rock but more rock than art. By the end you know Six By Seven couldn't give anymore.
The smell of wacky baccy gets everywhere, even here at Cinerama in the Carling Premier tent. The sound's not any better than it was at the Charm night. A few good new songs are played. My god, David Gedge's turned into Austin Powers on only the second song, taking his sixties jacket off, dancing. Schwing baby schwing!

"Now the band you've all been waiting for today... Wouldn't you just like to smother these boys in Haagen Daas ice cream?," says compere Mary Anne Hobbs.  'Lads' in the crowd start shouting "hallo, hallo, good to be back, good to be back, hallo"  It's cold and dark but Blur want to succeed, opening with Tender, choir and all, and hundreds of people sing along and wave their hands in the air and it feels like a huge religious revival and you want to smile.  How come a band that's so from the brain not the heart produces songs like this and The Universal and To The End which played live kinda get you right there?  Blur structure their set wisely early on, opening with the first three more mainstream numbers off 13, keeping it tuneful and rabble-rousing without playing too many total classics - End of The Century, Jubilee, Advert, Bluremi, Pop Scene, an excellent full brass section version of For Tomorrow - then, only then, inflicting the spinning prog-rock of Battle and thereby getting away with it with their conservative-minded fans.  Damon is on something. Later people who know tell me he was knocking back the booze, which explains why he's rampaging about the stage and concentrating over every word he says between songs like he knows they could just dribble out in a mess otherwise. He sounds off on Mogwai's 'we hate Blur campaign. "I don't get involved in any of that bitter band shit anymore, y'know. Forget about it. It's alf over," he tells us all.

What goes up must come down. After such a great opening selection, the band fucks up the shuffling start of Trimm Traub and takes an age to get it going again. Damon says to Graham and Alex and Dave like a school teacher "four bars and in - right." We head for All Seeing I, a competent fat house band until Phil Oakey comes on all nervous at first but soon a great crooner and does the old-fashioned synth pop of 1st Man In Space really well.  No sign of Jarvis Cocker. Back to Blur. The final predictable encores of Parklife, There's No Other Way and Sing. Becky says the set had gotten pretty predictable after Trimm Traub.  David Soul: "Blur are caught in a no man's land with their fans like REM on the Monster tour. They don't want to be Britpop but daren't go totally arthouse."

James bumps into Pavement frontman Stephen Malkmus. JL: What are you doing in the dance tent?
SM: Yeah well I'm having a good time, came down to see Sheffield's finest All Seeing I.
JL: Do you think Jarvis is coming on? SM: When's he coming on ?
JL: I dunno, they've already sung Walk Like a Panther, maybe their trying to get all the Pulp fans to leave! SM: Yeah, maybe.
JL: And the Pavement set went OK? SM: Yeah, it was great yeah I loved it. JL: Did you see Kevin Rowland afterwards? SM: No but I heard it.
JL: Mad?
JL: Yeah!!, I was actually backstage at the time, I was keen to meet Jarvis, he seems like a really nice guy.
At the very end of All Seeing I's set Jarvis arrives. Wearing windcheater, bad 80's style visor and comfy sweater, he saunters on and says deadpan "Cocker in the house" before mesmerising us with his unique hand movements and wide-eyed excitement. The song is a like Buddy Holly's Rave On, with squidgy keyboards a la Talking Heads plus Jarvis lyrics. Only Emily's taking photos (for Charm) at this point because the rest of the press have already pissed off. Graham: I don't even know Jarvis has turned up.

I spot Pavement bassist Mark Ibold in the dark outside the dance tent, bearded and less boyish of face than usual. "What do I think of the festival and my performance," he repeats. "Uh -1 thought the festival was okay. I don't really get into festivals that much. I managed to have a good time cause I got to see a few bands."  Who? "Delgados, Blur for a few songs, Sebadoh before us. I bungeed jump after our show." Really? "This band The All Seeing I, my friend is in it. I've just got separated from everyone 20 minutes ago." You guys always seem to have fun on stage but you're one of the great live bands, I gush at him. You're up there in history with the Band and The Grateful Dead and them only. "Why, thank you."

MONDAY, FINAL DAY
The metal conversation pt 1.

JL: It's definitely a more metal day you can see a darker tone to all the clothing.
GC: The essential point with hard rock and metal is that if they actually saw say The Stooges in their mental, younger prime, would these fans who like things quite predictable actually like The Stooges in their prime?
JL: They'd like Iggy, they wouldn't necessarily like some of the more experimental bits, the jams, like 'LA Blues', they might like 1969 and I Wanna be Your Dog, for the same reasons that people still like Black Sabbath, 'cos they're just so heavy.
GC: So they just like energy?
JL: It’s somebody onstage looking powerful and in control. I think that people who like that kind of thing get the same kind of kick as they would watching dangerous sports, it's an adrenaline thing.
GC: Yeah but they're only spectators they're not participating.
JL: Is Metal the future?
GC: For a little period maybe, not forever.

Graham returns from meeting Toploader's lead singer Joseph backstage. The band have been recording a couple of new singles that have been mixed by George Drakalopolous in L.A which they won't even hear 'till he's done it.
Later in the year their album's finally coming out but it's probably going to contain the two new tracks that they've done as well. It won't be the same album that Charm heard in May before the interview at Fibbers in York. The new single's going to be a cover version of an obscure 70's single that's really catchy because, in their words, all the band want to do is get themselves a bit of fame first and then they can do what they want.

Metaldunk: Main Stage (1.45pm)
Buckcherry's Joshua Todd was born to rock. This L.A. group definitely warms up to give an AC/DC / G'n'R style atmosphere to Leeds 99's Metal Monday.  I'm not sure about the conotations to the song 'I Love The Cocaine' but who cares when rock is this good. Emily comes back from taking photographs at the main stage. "Normally they (stewards) really shove the moshers out, really wing them over and wing them out, but at Leeds they're quite "there you go and be on your way please."
GC: Really nice to them? ED: Yeah.
JL: I might try it later.

Metaldunk: Main Stage (2.45pm).
Nottingham's Pitchshifter are here for one reason only - to give a 110% show. (The best of the day so far).  Sporting a huge illuminous backdrop, favourites such as 'Virus' & 'Genius' sound fantastic. J.S Clayden dedicates 'Un-United Kingdom' (off the new E.R) to Elizabeth herself.  Finally, "How to cope with getting arrested & police tactics" literature is tossed out by the hundreds to the welcoming crowd, which will certainly come in handy just in case some kids get pounded on 'Rodney-King' style on the way home.

The metal conversation pt 2
JL: Metaldunk, what was it like down the front in the mosh pit?
MD: Ha ha, the experience of the mosh pit is: you can't breath, the dust turns to mud in your mouth, you can't breath when you're singing away with the hardcore heroes from New York.
GC: All these metal fans and rock fans are all very nice, why would they want to look so extreme, I find it very odd?.
JL: They're all generally very out- going people.
GC: Is it like peacocks strutting then?
JL: I think it's just a tribal thing. Music has always been associated with dressing, in certain ways, think of jazz, or even folk music, they all have a uniform in a way.

Back stage. Luke Haines from The Auteurs walks past in black suit, red shirt looking like a dishevelled public school boy, proclaiming that he's going to do "some mindless wandering around." On stage The Auteurs' Luke Haines says "here's some old songs". They start with How Could I be Wrong?. Despite their reputation as pop intellectuals the Evening Session tent is very busy. Clever, balding, biting, but they don't project like Jarvis, so they don't sell records like Jarvis. Local band Wack Cat in the comedy tent. James - I like that song 'Wack Cat Stereo', very good with the discordant keyboard sound. They're more arty than I initially thought, a band with punk songs done by an amateurish Fall, with a bit of riot tweeness. A riot of twee-ness? With quirky interesting ideas popping up amongst the fairly nondescript tunes. The pink haired lead singer tried to make jokes with the audience offering a prize for the person who 'did something interesting' they were wry, crisp and dry, like Bingo's younger sister's band.  Back stage - Ice T walks past with his minders, perfectly clean shaven, skin polished and glowing. Minutes later, in walk Arab Strap. "Ahh," Graham shouts out, "the strap boys!!" Bearded singer Aidan Moffat looks at us confused and grunts.  Graham - I've talked to Choque from Black Star Liner about the Mercury Prize and he says that if he actually wins he's going to have a big go at the record industry, cause a big fuss and hoo ha. James - Why? Graham - I don't know! Ha ha.


Metaldunk: Vans Warped Stage (9pm).
At a strangely early time, Ice T's rapping set taken mainly from the recent 7th Deadly Sin' sees the Ice & Posse, all clad in a menacing black, give a somewhat moody performance with hardly any of the usual Ice charm and humour we've seen win over respect of thousands of the unsuspecting.  "Shall we love the police?" asks Ice. "No, Fuck the police!" cry the audience. The 'Hustler' & 'Original Gangster' rock the house for sure. During 'O.G.' a member of the crowd is invited to party alongside the Icester, but, unfortunately, his honky ass seems to embarrass Evil-E & Co. dancing like a complete wally.  Ha! Ha! Ha! Entertaining? - Yes, Cool? - No way! There Goes The Neighbourhood' played to a tinny backing tape was a bad move. You can't take anything away from Ice T though!

Leeds band Pop Threat in the comedy tent. Graham - In terms of feedback, atmospherics and coolness they're totally made, partly because they've got a drummer who sticks to one beat throughout like The Velvet Underground. Partly because they've got a lead singer in a cute fur coat, she doesn't give a shit, she's hard faced and doesn't look like she's going to be intimidated by anyone, she is cool.  They've got all this Velvets, Jesus and Mary Chain schtick off pat, they're themselves already, they take their idea to its logical conclusion which is more than most local bands do I'm not sure how many good tunes they've got, but they're definitely a good band band in terms of the feel.

Becky. Tell us your five favourite moments in the whole festival, please. "My five favourite moments at this festival are - 5. Seeing Ed Byrne perform in a packed-out comedy tent. 4. Hefner throwing cigarettes into the audience. 3. The Younger Younger 28s' balloons. 2. Blur performing The Universal with a full gospel choir. 1. Bumping into Tiny of Ultrasound. Thank you.

Metaldunk: Vans Warped Stage (9.45pm). On strict instructions of Sick Of It All's Lou Koller, on the Warped Stage, we check out more hardcore by way of Good Riddance. These guys are basically out to start a not and unfortunately it's the last day of the festival and everyone's exhausted! With every song they increase in anger fuelled by ferociously great hardcore.  But all we get is "what the fuck is up with you lot?'" etc. "Fuck you motherfuckers!" etc and half-an-hour later they're gone. Fuck you as well you dicks!

The Arab Strap conversation
JL: Arab Strap are the sound of a slow day's end, a minimal use of colour in their music. They look happier than when we saw them a year ago, Aidan Moffat smiling to himself, stepping up to the keyboards. They play a beautiful, version of Soaps to close. Yes it's a shade more commercial, they look like a proper band, and some of their new songs have an air of optimism, but the change is as slow and as imperceptible as nature itself. 

GC: Bar band, jazz band, cabaret band, berlin band, Mogwai band, Falkirk band, all at the same time.  JL: They're a band that if you know their songs, the live performance makes them so much better. I thought they were absolutely great. GC: They've got more professional, and more self confident. Without losing what made them great in the first place, very intimate, very smoky, like a working class Blue Nile. JL: I don't like the phrase 'working class Blue Nile' The Blue Nile would just choose to do that with different instruments. GC Yeah but they're definitely street level, their lyrics go for the jugular of emotions, they're like novelists.  They're like a good novel or a good film in the sense that those spaces in conversations where there's deep emotions there that are not actually said? Well they spot all the great moments in normal nights, or normal behaviour where there's unsaid big emotional things happening.

Dark Star. Less old-fashioned prog-rock than expected. Plenty of long instrumental, great guitar playing, couldn't hum a single tune afterwards. James - Very good, amazing musicians, reminded me of Deus without the songs.
 

Bingo on the UK Playstage. First song, I Am Not, low vocals for Gareth, after that really comfortable, really funny, came on all nine of them wearing animal masks, sounded better than I've ever heard them.
Graham - After the first number they became themselves. EXCEL-LENTE.

Metaldunk: Vans Warped Stage (10.30pm).
Riding on the backs of Good Riddance's attempts of abuse, (Warped Tour Headliners) Pennywise's Fletcher comes on with the same moan­ing shit.  However, they pull it all off with a smile! Jim Lindberg's Orange County mothers storm the stage and rip up the whole tent. 97's angry 'Full Circle' LP (Fuelled mainly by the unfortunate gunshot suicide of gui­tarist Jason Thirsk in 96) now makes way for the live showcasing of the new 'Straight Ahead' LP.  When 'Perfect People' begins arteries and temples are definitely fit to burst! An excellent end to Leeds 99. 

Bed time. We catch precisely ten seconds of main stage headliners Red Hot Chilli Peppers and head for the Evening Sesson stage. The Flaming Lips are incredibly visual, incredibly arty but surprisingly crowd-pleasing, Amusing, polite, real Oklahoma gentlemen. Strange but beautiful videos of sex and space.  The Flaming Lips give the most completely successful performance of the festival.

The Flaming Lips conversation
GC: Mr Coyne!!
Wayne Coyne (lead singer): Yes Sir?
GC: I thought you were the best act of the whole weekend.
WC: Oh well thank you very much, thank you very much.
GC: Would you like to say something nice to Charm magazine which I do in my spare time with my own money.
WC: Oh I see! (looking at Graham's Charm T-Shirt) Charm Magazine?
GC: Do you like the name?
WC: Well of course good name, yeah sure.
GC: Why are you so good?
WC: Why are we so good?, maybe the rest of the world is just mediocre and we just shine because of that.
GC: Sounds reasonable to me.
WC: No No! Bill Calaghan (Smog) tonight was awesome, it was awe­some. I've seen him for the third time in a row and last night they were collapsing amongst themselves but tonight the sound and lights pre­vailed.
GC: Are you always so visual when you play live?
WC: We try to be sure.
GC: And you're always so polite?
WC: Wei! people should be, people pay a lot of money, and there's a lot of rudeness that goes on at these things.
GC: Yeah but you're supposed to be strange and arty but you're very polite
WC: I think that probably is strange these days, for people to be polite and actually care that the audience has paid a lot of money and should see a good show.
GC: We do a night every month with live bands and we introduce the bands by name and we do a menu and teli them what the bands like, because most people these days don't make an effort at all to explain who's playing, or who they are, or where they're coming from.
WC: Oh I see.
GC: So I believed totally what you were doing, I was gobsmacked that you did it I thought "my God they're arty but they're totally into the crowd."
WC: Well I want people to people to understand what we're doing of course, and sometimes I erm..., we truly are nice people so its not real­ly an act. I'm appreciative that there's an audience and I try to show it.
GC: I was surprised because many bands don't try to communicate at all, it's like "we're cool, we're onstage, and you will like us."
WC: Well sometimes I think that's what people want to communi­cate, a reservedness, or coolness, and I think there's room for all kinds. I'm glad that people think of me as unique but I wouldn't want everyone to be like me, I'm glad there's cool people, and rude people, I'm just not one of them, that's all. GC: All your films are of space and sperm, space and sperm? WC: Oh there was, we have others we just didn't get to play all of them tonight, so I'm sorry there was a lot of space and sperm going on, I suppose it's all connected in some way. GC: I don't know what the connection is but it's all there, I actually felt quite moved watching the show.
WC: Well good, good, I hope it always does that. That the best thing that you can ever do.

We hear later that Flea from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers has come back on stage for the encore in front of the assembled thousands walking on his hands. Bollock naked. Pantomime. Pantomine. Oh, rock AND roll, wherefore art thou?
 

© Modern Music Review (2009)