|
||||
| home | ||||
|
Behold! Why Grazia is better than the NME
Prologue “It’s on the backs of writers such as Morley, Burchill, Kent and Shaar Murray that the “new” NME hitches its mule cart, assuming equal relevance. But the stalled views of the “new” NME sag, and readers have been driven away by a magazine with no insides...” - Morrissey, December 2007, a letter to the NME after issuing writs against its editor Hush, hush, not so much abuse, no need for pain dear ex-Smiths’ lead singer, the NME has since your erudite and heartfelt, lengthy missile or, rather, epistle, had yet ANOTHER redesign. Another move away from being a paper towards a magazine, another step in its slow drift from relevance to irrelevance. Feel like arguing?, Let’s look at May 24, 2008, the first week of the new, new-look NME. Isn’t that the famous musician Scarlett Johannsen on the cover (I thought she was an actress?) which could be forgiven; she has got an album out after all - and she’s known for being a fan of Jesus & Mary Chain. No, that’s not what’s annoying about the latest rejig to the NME, it’s the look, the design, the design aesthetic. Nothing on the front cover of this venerable music mag actually shouts out “music”. It’s all oblong boxes and white spaces and cheesy, sensationalist, gossipy phrases. Welcome to the world of Heat, OK and Grazia. It’s hardly Morley, Burchill, Kent or Shaar Murray, it doesn’t chime with the NME’s own self-mythology of the outlaw rock writer. What’s more, it’s not working, not in a business sense, not in any sense, unless you think the NME’s almost total ownership of the modern marketing man’s concept of ’indie’ in the UK (not the US, mind you) is what really matters. Never mind the sales, you know, the 200,000-plus in the days of Morley, Burchill, Kent (you fill in the rest, lazy) which now, after every redesign, despite a short-lived upward blip when current NME editor Conor McNicholas was first appointed in 2002, keep slipping like a stricken ocean liner sinking in slow motion, down, down, levelling off at a scary 64,033 at one count earlier this year. If it was just the design dummy, the sad state of the once great NME wouldn’t be quite so alarming. It’s just we can’t noticing that the NME not only looks like Grazia now, it feels like Grazia, smells like Grazia., you know, the women’s mag that women with brains CAN be seen with in public without being embarrassed. Not much of a boast. The question is, can the NME even say as much about itself these days? For Grazia’s obsession with Jennifer Aniston read the NME’s with Pete Docherty. For Grazia’s bite-sized reviews of movies or shoes, (what, after all, is the difference, we have to pay for both?) read the NME’s bit-sized review of albums and live gigs. God, if the NME can’t get carried away enough by the greatness and sheer excitement of music to rise above 100 words on any given subject who can? n these cynical, marketing-led days when everything comes down to numbers and statistics I think it’s only fair we reduce Grazia to figures - and the NME for that matter, too. So, just for a moment, imagine you’re a member of the IPC board somewhere on the 22nd floor of Canary Wharf nodding off over the balance sheet or monthly sales report. And as for you Morrissey, you’re dead right but you’re in the past. Shut the fuck up. Epilogue On page 71 of the NME issue in question, the “Now Booking” section, there’s a job advert produced by the NME in conjunction with Orange, that well-known champion of music. . . It seems this match made in heaven is looking for someone, not just anyone, to be the “Orange reviewer of the week” The advert is careful to reminds us, however, that you should only apply “if you think you match the knowledge, scope, insight. . .of the crack team of NME writers.” The question we’d like to pose is exactly how much knowledge, scope, insight can an NME writer get across in the space of 50 words or fewer? Maybe if they’re THAT good they should think about moving to Grazia where among the myriad of full page adverts, fashion puffs and glorified captions they will actually get more of a chance to write lengthy articles? NME May 24, 2008 v Grazia May 26, 2008 Total pagination NME: 76 pages Grazia: 132 pages Full page adverts NME: 28 Grazia: 41 Total number of editorial pages NME: 48 pages Grazia: 91 pages Total number of pictures (non-adverts) NME: 158 Grazia: 224 Total number of articles over 1,000 words long NME: 4 Grazia: 9 Total articles 500 words and above NME: 6 Grazia: 13 Total articles 100 words and above NME: 25 Grazia: 12 Total articles/picture captions 50 words or below NME: 168 Grazia: 108 Graham Chalmers |
||||